stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Ultimate internet question

Are you a;
A.) Ninja a-k-a Sneaky bastard
B.) Pirate a-k-a Scurvey bloke
C.) Halfbreed a-k-a 100% Mutt

See previous post for back story.

I'm a pirate, Arrrrr!

There's a War Brewin

I love grudge matches between friends. My boyfriend is a 3D animator and is working on using my doodles for the character designs. This whole thing was sparked on a forum thread called Ninjas-vs.-Pirates, for a long time the Ninjas were the majority until us Rogues came along. Rogue is our scary pirate crew’s name. Fear our wrath! Arrrr.

These are our ships. Mine is the little pink one, it’s small but deadly, hence the spooky super evil pink skull. My boyfriend/Lord and Masters’ boat is the “I have a huge cock” blue one. Last but not least our buddy Hollis is the proud captain of the Underground with the red sails and lethal ”you are here” arrow.

The Ninjas got Jealous as they have not been created yet so they hid in the hills and sent in a stealth plane to do their bidding and blow up our ships (pussies). Lucky for us our ships will bounce back and the battle will commence.
And last but not least here is some of the Ninjas!

Monday, May 29, 2006

It's so silly

It's funny to me when every now and again there's someone on the internet who is so unhappy with their life they feel the need to act like a bully on the playground by putting another person down over something that was so silly and so simple. They seem to forget they get more flies with honey then vinegar. But hey, they started it by leaving a rude comment rather than just saying "hey, could you give me a review, I'd really appreciate it" and no, two wrongs don't make a right but at this point there is nothing I can say or do to make this person happy other than give in and give them what they want, which I will not do because that would be like handing that screaming child in the grocery store the piece of candy. If you throw a tantrum like a 2 year old you will not get what you want. This person has been wasting her time ripping my words to pieces and analyzing every little thing making sure to throw in as many insults as possible to gather a brethren of internet buddies to agree. I don't mind if other people agree with what she has to say, that's their right and quite frankly I agree with some of her statements. Good thing for me I know my readers have been adults about this and are either A.) Bored with my posts on the subject. B.) Just not responding to her because it's the right thing to do. or C.) Thinking let's start the bikini mud wrestling pit! I'm partial to C because apparently she can take me down in 2 seconds. I think it would be more like 3, I'm an Amazon so it might take an extra second to knock me over but I'm sure I fall hard.
The funny part about this is the sole purpose of a previous post of mine, was for her entertainment. Congratulations I gave you another day of something to blog about. Call it the devil's advocate in me, but drama can be fun. I know she enjoys it too...ooh did I just imply we have something in common other then a Vagina?! This will be my last post on the subject so as not to bore my readers to death with such immature drivel. Let the playground insults fly! If their life is that miserable and that meaningless then so be it, it just makes me that much happier I'm not a part of it. Eek! Wait a minute...I better shut my trap now or I actually am a part of it....damn. regardless, I'm truly flattered by this whole thing.

You know what? Here's a proposition and it doesn't matter to me either way because none of this bothers or effects my daily life. If she continues to rip apart my posts so be it, it gives me quite the giggle as I know mine do the same for her, I'm just done posting on the subject. Here's an idea to little miss girly girl who's so keen to write and throw insults (yes I know I'm throwing them too, what fun would it be otherwise?). Fuck the mud wrestling (sorry guys) this is the internet (yes I know internet is for porn) let's settle this little grudge match the way internet chicks do (no...Not by taking our cloths off, unless of course she wants to then I'm game), write me an article. Yup that's right, you can write me an article and pimp your blog or just write about something else. The rules (even though they're pointless because I have a feeling her response will be something along the lines of "fuck that bitch, I would never write on her blog!" or "Wow she's Stoopid!" calling me Stoopid is always a good insult, it's not like I've had that nickname for quite some time)...where was I? Oh yeah, the rules. It has to be funny...yup, that's about it. I'm a humor type of girl and would rather laugh. When I say funny, I mean funny not bitchy(she’s already stated she’s good at that). If you want to continue to rip me a new asshole then fine, just so long as it makes people giggle. That's all, it's pretty simple. You game Blair? Can you suck up your anger and settle it like an adult so we can run off into the sunset frolicking and holding hands? (ok that's a little much)

Oh, and on another note, I was infacte dropped on my head as a child. Here's a little cartoon I drew about it ages ago (man I'm getting old)

Partying with the green fairy

I decided to try Absinthe for the first time last night. It was late, I was exhausted and someone whipped out the real stuff. How many chances do you actually get to drink this stuff? It wasn't the kind you get online, but the real kind from the Czech Republic full of non legal enjoyment (I.E. the not so appetizing item called wormwood). It had been a long day and we were quite a drive from our house so we figured what the heck, let's do just enough to say we did it. Well, that sucked. I should have at least taken another shot or two. Yes I can gloat that I've drank it only thing that happened was the loss of my throats lining. Yup, the damn green shit stripped it right off. I turned beat red as soon as I took the shot and flames flew out of my nostrils searing off what little nose hairs I have. I guess to some people drinking what tastes like the nasty green kind of Nyquil is fun. I'll have to find out another day. We have plans to go back to our friends and drink enough to party with the green fairy, all though I have a feeling the party will be coming back out of my mouth when I do. (insert pirate voice and angry fist shaking) I'm not done with you yet Absinthe, you have not seen the last of me you scurve green bastard!! Arrrr!

Sunday, May 28, 2006


Here is a doodle I made of some friends and I as pirates, we have waged war on some Ninjas. This is only the beginning, soon these characters will be made into 3D as my boyfriend/husband/Lord and master is an animator. We already have super spiffy 3D boats so stay tuned.

If you're wondering why there are "scroconuts" not coconuts it's because I have some tattoo artist friends who didn't like someone so when they tattooed a Palm tree onto that person they gave the coconuts little stubbly hairs to make them look like (ahem) scrotums...hence the birth of scroconuts (and I just realized I spelled them wrong on te cartoon...oops)

I eat Jell-O for breakfast

Let me start by saying I am not the smartest person on the planet, hence my nickname StoopidGirl. I’m also not a good speller, I’m dyslexic and I am seriously lacking dexterity (just ask my forehead, it’s walked into many doorways). On the other hand I was breastfed and on occasion I talk to myself which studies have shown that means I’m 20% smarter than the average person (just don’t ask me what studies). My IQ test shows otherwise but I’ll save that for another day.

So today I find myself on the topic of stupidity and the human race for no particular reason other than I’m bored and can’t think of a better topic. I have met groundhogs with higher IQ’s then some people, so for some reason it doesn’t shock me that if you hook Jell-O up to an EEG, it registers movements virtually identical to the brain waves of a healthy adult. That’s right folks, you and a bowl of Jell-O have a lot in common. Fucking amazing aye?

Anyway, on to the Jell-O’s in my life and the things they have tried to convince me of. There is one Jell-O in particular who has had the audacity to argue with me on certain topics. Topics no Jell-O should. You will be wrong….you here me?! W-R-O-N-G!

First of all there’s Mini Coopers. Anyone who knows me knows that I belong to the cult of Mini owners, we are a different breed and take our “cute little clown cars” very seriously and will not hesitate to put you in your place shall you make a stupid comment like “Minis have no head room.” Are you kidding me? That’s like saying babies don’t poop in there diapers. Of course they poop in their diapers! I’m 5’10 and fit just fine, I also know a Mini owner who is 6’9 and you know what? His head doesn’t come close to touching. So Mr. Jell-O…you’re wrong! Wrong wrong wrong!

Second there is the topic of Energy drinks. I am the girl who drank Redbull for an entire month strait to prove to her bosses what it would take to accomplish the excessive tasks they had assigned, there for resulting in the restructuring of a bonus system and a big fat check in my pocket (thank you speed in a bottle). There are tons of energy drinks on the market; I’ve tried 99% of them (Including “Can-O-Whoopass”) and most are lightly carbonated. I was sitting in a room where someone was trying an energy drink for the first time and stated they didn’t like the flavor. My Jell-O advised him in an all knowing manor that it didn’t taste good because all the flavor had settled to the bottom and he was suppose to shake it before opening it. You know what? I think I’m going to go by an energy drink, shake it up extra good, hand it to Mr. Jell-O and state “How you like me now biatch! Tell me I’m wrong again….see where it gets you.”

Thirdly I was born in 1977, I grew up in the 80’s, Cindy Lauper was my idol, and I sang “We’re not going to make it!” instead of “We’re not going to take it!” by Twisted Sister every time I was late and running for the bus stop. I grew up in Maine, my town had a population of 764 people, we had nothing else to do with our time but get drunk and listen to music. I was, and still am an 80’s fan. So the last thing you should argue with me over is who sang a certain 80’s song especially if it’s the song “Warrior” by Scandal because that bitch was the shit. So for your information Mr. Jell-O the song was not sung by Pat Benetar and I garunfuckingtee that Pat and the chick from Scandal would kick your ass for even breathing those words. Next thing you’ know you’re going to try and tell me that Boy George sang “Like a Virgin”.

If you want to be a Jell-O then that’s fine, leave me out of it. I’ve had plenty of my own Jell-O moments but if I’m wrong I’m fine with that. Jell-O’s have an inherent nature to think that they are right even if it’s something that is purely factual and really cannot be argued.

“Bang bang I am the warrior”

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Internet Drama (go figure)

Everyday I am amazed more and more about the stupidity that is the users of the internet. I joined a website called blog explosion which has turned out to be fun and entertaining when I’m bored. Apparently this site is the bible for some people who can’t grow up and leave their insecurities and high school drama at the door (as with any site where people express their feelings, there are bound to be a bunch of immature idiots running around). There is a section for battling other blogs which is the Hot or Not for the blog world. It’s rather silly, it’s basically a false way to boost your ego or knock it down. You win some you loose some, it really shouldn’t be a big deal. The people voting often don’t even read the blogs they just want the credits they can earn. I could loose every battle and not care; it’s only the internet for crying out loud! There are many people who enjoy my blog and others who I’m sure hate it. For instance there is a blogger who battles constantly and from what I know is on the top 10 worst battlers list yet he keeps battling. When I first saw his blog I was like who is this idiot, his blog is ridiculous, he insults everyone and tries to piss everyone off, yet he keeps on going. At first I voted against him because he seemed to have a big huge ego, then I realized he loses all the time. After coming across his blog numerous times I decided I wanted to wage war if I could earn enough credits (he’s a high roller) and I left him a comment saying so. This comment could have been taken badly and was an open opportunity for him to bash me with immature insults. But did he? Nope, he said liquor cures all…now I vote for him all the time. Thanks hamburger boy, you have earned an honorable mention in my blogging world and I’m still waiting for my battle.

There is also a section on this site for renting blogs. Do you see the nice little thumbnail on the right? That’s my renter. They paid me credits which were earned for looking at other blogs or voting on the battles, but all in all the credits didn’t cost them ANYTHING other than a little spare time. Sometimes I have liked my renter’s blogs and if during that particular week I can find time to read and comment on there’s I will, but unfortunately this doesn’t always happen. Some times like my renter this week we’re not even the same type of bloggers but hey, they wanted to rent and may or may not get clicks from me, it’s the chance they took but I’m more than happy to help them out and have their thumbnail. Why am I writing about this boring subject you ask? Well, I had someone who had apparently been blogging about me being a “slum lord” because I had not reviewed her blog nor had I commented on it. I had actually wanted to read her blog because she seemed interesting but found myself stressed at work that week and extremely busy at home. So life consumed me and the week flew by. Keep in mind I never promised a review, nor do I give them unless I am absolutely amazed by the blog. The reason for this is simple. When I write I try to make it something fun and interesting, if I have nothing to write about I usually don’t write at all. If I wanted to read a blog that was full of reviews I would but I don’t like reading reviews there for I don’t expect my readers to either. Now if the thumbnail to the right looks interesting it is your choice to click it, I’m not going to guilt you into it or ask you to because that’s rude. If I rent from someone I would not expect them to write a review about me and then be a whiney bitch on their blog as well as my own for them not giving me one. Reviews are nice and it’s great that people give them and I’ll be greatful shall someone review me, but I’m sorry it is just not my thing. IT's called "Rent my blog" not "Pimp my blog", no where does it say that the soul purpose of renting someone's blog is for them to pimp you out.

So to the girl who is in a state of permanent PMS I say grow up, quite wasting your time on badmouthing me as well as others because all it does is make you look like a jerk not those you speak of. To my readers I’m sorry for this long post about insignificant stuff, I just wanted to get it out because sometimes people on the internet are plain angry. I am thankful for the readers and renters I do have, even the lurkers who don’t post. You guys are all appreciated and you rock! With that said I will now step away form my computer and go enjoy the real world. I promise a more time worthy post will come soon.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I am blogged out

I have been racking my brains all day as to what I should write about and I'm drawing a complete blank. I'm going to go ahead and guess it's because I'm thinking about it too hard and not that my brain has actually made it to the end of what I have to offer. Part of me feels like I should just type random words like boobies, sex, and porn just so the "ping" radars will pick it up. But what good would that do? I suppose any attention is good attention right? Even if it is from dirty fucking perverts looking for a little pussy or tits on the internet. Damn I did it again with those foul words. I seriously appologize for the lack of intelligent thinking going on in thise post. I am blonde so blame my roots. I suppose there are some non pervs on the nevermind. You're all a bunch of Heathens! No more google for you! wait...I love google. I'm addicted to the image search option. For some reason I always get stuck on searching the worst words possible like camel toe or perverts. You'd think I'd learn my lesson by now that even the non dirtiest of words will search something twisted (i.e. apple ass or santa).

If you are a dirty internet whore who found me through some random word search please let me know by leaving a comment...hell just leave me a comment if you're a regular whore, it's ok if you're not dirty.

I wonder if my boyfriends Mom still reads my blog? Sorry Ms.A, it's just a publicity stunt I swear!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Sven Loves Psychos

Please expand :)


A little background; I have a friend who just got horribly dumped by an evil psychotic wench. But that's ok, his cat pooped on her couch moments before she had her friends mom call him while he was at work to let him know that he was being dumped and he needed to go home and pack his things. That's worse then an email or text message dumping, the psycho has set an all time new low-blow record, it's going to be hard to beat. My friend and I know a mutual person who annoys us both and drools over him constantly, she also had skin that's dry, flaky and like a cheese grater. The following is a conversation between the two of us and for the sake of privacy I have changed his name.

SVEN; "Don't mention to our friend that I'm single now. She'll probably want me to make a house call. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"

ME; "She wants the cock!"

SVEN; "Bleaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

ME; "I think Absinthe will come in handy for getting the deed done!"

SVEN; "That an a loofa to get rid of all that dead skin...... gross!!!!!"

ME; "I thought you liked cornflakes?"

SVEN; "Barf dood. Im going to eat lunch soon!!!"

ME; "You want some milk?"

SVEN; "I try to never look below her neckline. I cant even imagine what they'd look like."

ME; "Well just think, they would double as a tongue scraper!"


The end

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Disco is dead

Disco is dead
Originally uploaded by StoopidGirl.
On a day I was feeling glum I did what a lot of girls do to make themselves feel better. I got a haircut. As usual it's a bad idea. I won't go into the nitty gritty of it but I was able to cheer myself up with this photo. I thought I looked kind of like Madonna in her current phaze. I've also gotten comments that I look like Debbie Harry, The chick from ABBA and (ack) Christina Agulerra....hmmmm...anyway, glitter is nifty, enjoy the shot as I have nothing intelligent to say today.

Cubicle Lesson of the day

If you just picked (arguably) one of the biggest boogers in your life (not including times when you were sick), make sure you look to see if anyone is walking by before flicking it accross the way.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I found this in the local "What's happening" type paper the other day. I thought it would be funny to read the personal ads out loud to my fellow listeners. Amazingly one of these was the first one I read and my jaw about hit the floor. At least they're honest.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Internet is for porn

So I was in class the other night when one of my fellow classmates announces that her best friend made the Stuff magazine top 101 list for hottest girls on the internet.

Wow, that's cool. How did she get that?

J; I don't know.

Me; So what your saying is she gets naked on the internet?

J; (very deffensively) No!

Me; Ahhhh, so she does get naked on the internet.

J; Noooooo!!!

Me; Then what does she do?

J; she's a model

Me; so she gets naked!

J; Noooo

Me; What does she model then?

J; lingerie.

Me; That counts as getting naked on the interenet.

J; Why do you have to be so condesending all the time?

Me; Who says I'm putting her down? She gets naked on the internet...that's a good thing!

I just wanted to say, Congrats Heather Lyn for being a lingirie model, not getting naked on the internet, and making the top 101 list! You go girl. Maybe I'll buy your video.

Monday, May 15, 2006

He calls me "PEE PEE"

Because I'm #1

Friday, May 12, 2006

Dear Chipotle (Burritos & Tacos)

I noticed that my receipt from your restaurant had a note on it saying, "So good your toes curl". My meal was extremely tasty but my toes did not curl until exactly midnight (mountain time). I think you should add a warning; "Some customers may experience delayed reactions and depending on the severity of the ass burning factor, people within a ten foot radius may suffer from singed nose hairs".
Thank you
your loyal customer

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Nuts and Butterflies

Nuts and Butterflies
Originally uploaded by StoopidGirl.
I swear I will post about my vacation is been crazy busy. I'm still attempting to edit and narrow down my 300 or so photos. Stay tuned. Just imagine me doing a little song and dance to keep you entertained in the meantime.

Until then here's a cool butterfly I photographed while hanging out on vacation.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Vacation Withdrawal

I have slept a combined total of over 24 hours since my vacation ended the moment my ride to the airport began late Saturday night. It would be my professional opinion that I am suffering from mild hypothermia, motion sickness, dehydration, and chlorine poisoning. My outlook is good, all though I am back at work and severely swamped, my head hurts and looking at my computer monitor is giving me vertigo, I have not seen Skeletor which makes me happy. Oh happy days the wicked Bitch has been canned (yes I'm still gloating).
When I can properly stand without wobbling or type on my computer without vomiting I will tell everyone about my glorious trip to a road called the Dragon with over 600 other Mini Cooper geeks (I mean enthusiasts). One of whom rolled their car off a 90 foot cliff, one who hit a wild turkey, six squirrel killers and a Bear slayer, not to mention the beer...oh the wonderful beer.
Until then, it's off to pretending I'm alive and playing with mortgage files.
Stay tuned...there will be photos.

10-4 good buddies

over and out