stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Friday, August 26, 2005

I am Sad

I received a phone call from a very good friend of mine back in North Carolina today. The phone call started with "I have some bad news." , I braced myself. Who's dead? His Grandmother passed away, someone's been murded, died in a car accident or committed suicide?

It turns out his best friend for many years had taken 25 vicoden, drank a bottle of wine and went to town on his wrists with a box cutter. I've always had harsh views about these sort of issues, I've lost many a friend or acquaintance to suicide and/or drug overdoses and have always been sad that it happened but not always sympathetic because they are the ones who put themselves in that position therefore they deserve what they get. It was their choice as it was for this person. Part of me is deeply saddened for him, he was always someone who was happy even when he was drunk. I never felt like he was someone who hid his sadness like a lot of people, he was just an all around good person, always willing to lend a hand or give a hug when needed.

I haven't seen or talked to him in the last few years, even though I often got updates by our mutual friends. It seems that things went down hill, His bussiness was failing and his wife who he'd been with for many years had left him which is what spawned this unforgivable act. He survived the incident and went into a mental institution for some counceling and is now having to deal with the people who care about him and want to help. I don't have any more information than that. My thoughts are with him, I hope he makes good choices and his world becomes bright again...He, of all people, I can honestly say deserves better than what this world dished him.

Mr.Buffalo wherever you are right now I am sending you happy thoughts and returning the hugs you gave so freely in the past. It is your fault I own 1 vinyl recordbearing my name and will never look at buffalo nickels the same again.

Coffee Pot Epiphanies

I wandered into the kitchen at work today and realized "I am the girl who steals the vanilla flavored creamer out of the fridge"...somebody in this office hates me. In my daze while pouring my coffee into my cup of stolen creamer a lightbulb went off in my head. What would happen if I switched the pots, you know, if I put decaf in the caffeinated pot and vice versa...there would be a lot more people in this office who would hate me. Lucky for me no one would know exactly who it was that downed or upped their production capabilities for the day...The creamer bandit dares to dream.

Not sure why all this happened concedering I'm not really a coffee drinker...I suppose I have my days.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

History at it's Finest

My sister called me about 6 months ago with some important news. Our High school is having its first class reunion ever and she wants me to go with her! My sister and I spent the first half of our lives growing up and getting into as much trouble as we could in small town Maine. There were 7 towns that went to our one school and the graduating classes were probably around 60 kids each. The school had never held a class reunion and decided they'd send out letters to anyone who ever graduated from there in the 40 years they've been open. Great idea, right? I told my sister I was up for catching up with some of our old crew and frolicking through our stomping grounds with the wind in our hair and beer in our bellies. I immediately dialed my best friend from back in the day and the first person to ever ask me to marry them whom is now a flaming homosexual (go figure). We giggled and laughed about watching "Romy and Michelle’s High school Reunion", bringing flasks of liqueur (Vodka for me, Shmeernoff Ice for Matt) and telling everyone we were married with 5 kids. No sooner did I step off the airplane did I find out Matt had been drunk when we came up with our genius ideas and in all actuality he was scared to go because he didn't want to see his entire family who he was sure would be there.

We drug him kicking and screaming to find
that not a damn one of them showed up, nor did anyone we know. Oh well, I always had those typical dreams and aspirations of showing up and seeing the people who picked on me and pushed me down just so they could eat their words. I did manage to run into my first boyfriend’s sister and told her to say hello for me. When I saw her again she told me his response was "". That's it! That's all I get?! WTF?! Is he not the least bit curious how I'm doing or how my life has been for the last 15 years? I suppose I shouldn't really care to know these things either, it's probably that silly little chromosome that makes me a girl acting up again. I try to swallow it down but sometimes it takes over. Its ok,I saw the people who matter the most. During the weekend I got updates on a lot of the people from our class which will have to curb my appetite to know their miseries. It seems there were only a few options for the kids from Maine. They are either Dead, married to their high school sweetheart pumping out babies, got the hell out of dodge, or gay.

Here's the sum up of what I heard, see if you can foll
ow along.
1 drowned while trying to drink and swim, 1 hung himself, 1 shot himself after maki
ng mad passionate love to Matt after school one day (guess he couldn't handle being gay), one was gay but then found god and is now married with kids, the tomboy (and obvious lesbian) has changed her name to Janice, two lesbians one out of the closet and one in are now both married but secretly wishing they could sleep with me,my first boyfriend is a surfer (in Maine!?) and married a fat hippy chick named Vickie and then the others whom are married to their high school sweethearts. The saddest of whom was my sisters best friend who was recently gunned down by a pissed off truck driver leaving her two little children (one is named for my sister) motherless.
I'm curious though about the ones who did marry thei
r highschool sweethearts. I know this happenes all the time in other towns and I think it's great but for some reason when it comes to people in Maine I wonder if it's because they don't know anything else. They've never left the state or had other experiences. What would happen if you actually took them out of their environment at this phaze of their lives?. It's simply amazing.

I'm glad I was raised in Maine and the values it gave me, I am also glad I "got the hell out of Dodge!"

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Email Battle

So I was sitting at work today minding my own bussiness when I received an email from a girl we'll call "Big Boobs" telling ME to do something involving part of my job. This was my response to her and our emails that ensued;

To Big Boobs from Me;

To Me from Big Boobs;
"I'mmmm gonnnnnaaaa TEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

To Big Boobs from Me;

To Me from Big Boobs;
"SHHH I am high!!!..heheheee But I don't know about the mighty part!! And I am Brown! I'm MEXICAN GAWD DAMN IT!! We're ALL BROWN!! HA!......As for peeing on my cheerios! DO IT! I double dog dare you! Do it and watch and see what happens!!!! *waves clentched fish in the air back and forth*"

To Big Boobs from Me;
"It's too late! I pee'd in them this morning! Muah ha ha ha and your fish got nuthin on me. I bet if you took a bath you wouldn't be brown're a big fat liar, you're not mexican, you're mexican't! if you were mexican you wouldn't be waving a fish you'd be flinging boogers because you gotta have something to pick on the off season! LIAR!!!!!"

To Me from Big Boobs;
"How DARE YOU....You You PISSING FREAK!! You Golden Showered all over my cheerios!! It's a good thing that I gave them to Rachelle! he he he And and I AM BROWN if I didn't take a shower I'd look like "Crazy Filipino Chick"(name removed)!!!! HA!.....You're only a liar if you get caught!!......and I meant fist! waves my FIST in the air back and forth! "

From Crazy Filipino Chick to Me;
"Leave me out of this. I've been abused enough. Yeah and so what if I don't shower. Everyone thinks I have a very nice "TAN"."

I never wrote them back due to the End of the day being much more important, so I guess it's safe to say "They're all fucking nuts!" and with that said....I'M GOING HOME!!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Ultimate SPD!

(click on the picture to see the yummy goodness that is the vein being pulled out of my knee)
Well I think I have what will be the best "Self Potrait Day" submission for today.
Can you guess what I was doing around 3:30 this afternoon?

I spent the lovely afternoon having my veins ripped out of my knee like spagetti!!!! Yayyyyy!
My Doctor rocks and even let Mr.Tuls sit in and hold my hand...although I don't remember my hand ever getting held, I seemed to have passed the "freak out" mode and went strait for the "Oh cool!" mode. Of course that could have been the valium and codene talking.
Incase you're out of the loop, I had a vericose vein removed that I some how aquired (most likely from a car accident when I was 16). I was very impressed with my doctor and how friendly everyone was, as you can see, he even was posing for me. He thought it was great how interested I was in my own gross surgury. Happy SPD to all and all a good night! It's time to lie back down and enjoy the drugs.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Random Blogcrashing

Today's subject is BLOGCRASHING. It's kind of like crashing a party or a wedding, only this time I'm crashing blogs. I can't say it was as fun as the time some friends and I crashed a huge keg party at a fraternity because we were a bunch of 18 year old girls who were drunk and looking to raid their fridge for hopefully a meal. When in turn all we got was ketchup, moldy bologna, possibly a keg stand and then pulled over by the police five minutes after leaving the party because apparently we'd robbed the gas station down the road.

It's not that I had hoped Blogcrashing would have caused me such fun; I was merely hoping for some mild, senseless entertainment while viewing through a little window I call "other peoples lives". I didn't do a word search off my profile or anything I merely just kept hitting the "next" button. Unfortunately all I've learned from my experience is how to get a home equity line of credit in South Carolina, How big someone can grow their gourds and the intricate workings of a "Light rail"...ok not really because I didn't read any of it. Is it me or are peoples lives really that boring that all they have to talk about is politics, religion or the food they eat. I found a whole Japanese blog with photos and detailed descriptions of all their, that was truly entertaining.

Pretty much the only positive thing Blogcrashing has added to my life was learning that mine isn't all that boring after all and that's far better than the 15 minutes of my life I just lost for doing it. The greatest post I found was about having peanut butter cups and beer for dinner, now that's one hell of an idea. I think I may just have to try it.

If you're reading my blog because I randomly crashed yours then here's an evil laugh just for you "MUAH HA HA HA!"

update 6:30pm:
In all fairness I did find a couple blogs since I wrote this that were entertaining.
here are their links.
Don't take offence if you're not listed...I left some comments for people but like the tard that I am, I forgot to save their links. Just take the fact that I felt compelled to leave my two cents as on your blog as a compliment.


This morning I did the unfathonable...the unmentionable...the thing I've been dredding for ages. But! It was for a good purpose. To remind myself of things I don't want, to put reality into perspective and to hopefully never have to do it again. I took my almost nude, strait up, not attractive,(Deep breath) "BEFORE PHOTOS". There's no going back now. I know I'm no Jared or Carne Wilson and won't get rewarded by being a spokesperson for "the man" making lots of money because I was once a fat fuck, but I will hopefully be able to take new photos in which case I am completely comfortable in my half nekkid skin and one fine ass bitch. I'm in no way fat I just need to tone but this world better watch out if I actually succeed...confidence here I come! All I have to do now is follow through.

Side note; You will not see my "Before Photos" for SPD. All though once I become a fine ass bitch I may have to post them to show what I've done...who knows. For now they stay locked in a vault so as to not scare any children or unsuspecting small woodland creatures.

Friday, August 05, 2005

On My Way!

It's another Friday night in wonderful Scottsdale, Arizona. The weather's a wonderful 110 degrees and the skies are clear (just enough to blister my skin as I step outside). Friday is the chosen night for people to go to a smoke filled environment full of liquered up people who slur their speach and think it's a good idea to take them home so they can have wild monkey sex with them. I on the other hand have chosen to do something entirely different with my evening. I'm going to the Circus! That's right folks, I get to go to the GYM. Yay, doesn't that sound exciting? You see, about a month ago my boyfriend got food poisoning in the middle of the night which gave him some new worldly revelations on his life (maybe it had something to do with his incoherent ramblings through the night). One of them was to sell his MINI which I promptly threatened to to put a lift-kit on mine, this seemed to stop him in his tracks (ok, that's only part of it). The other would be that we need to get in shape. We've talked about it for quite some time and I had mentioned the gym about 6 months ago but unfortunately it was the wrong time and I was shot down. So now is the time to finally go and I'm quite proud of us. In theory this seems ideal but unfortunately I have to break it to my boyfriend that I found the man of my dreams while driving in traffic the other day. He was the total package, he drove a beat up Honda with awesome bumper stickers which included "Got Couchie", "It ain't gonna suck itself", "Stole your woman" and "Made to get Laid". That's right buddy, I'm looking for you! So bring your ugly, badly tattooed, wife beater wearing self over to my place anytime...on second thought I'll probably just see you at the'd fit right in with the hotties in there. Ok I'm lying....Today will be my third strait day at the Gym and I'm sore but it'll be worth it...especially the wild monkey sex I get to have with my man after we get home,that's always a bonus(sorry...too much information)