stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Are you man enough for pink?

Over the weekend I got bored. Imagine that? ME!? Bored!? Who'd-a-thunk?

Saturday evening I went to the local and longest running car show in America. This is pretty normal for me and always proves to be of some entertainment when people "oooh" and "ahhh" over my pink Mini Cooper. There's a pretty diverse crowd that shows up, the majority consisting of girls (young and old) dressed up as sluts (unfortunately they lack the appropriate body shapes), old redneck men and little kids with mullets who feel the need to touch, slobber and drool on our Minis.

This particular Saturday proved to have a higher level of entertainment for me. I was standing by my Mini, head high and eager to answer any questions people might have. An older man walked by with his wife. "What kind of cars are those?" she asked him, and in an all-knowing tone he replied, "those are them smart cars". I almost buckled at the knees laughing. I contemplated correcting his ignorance but immediately got distracted by the 14-year-old girl who picked up her phone and promptly in a snobby voice said to the person on the other end of the line "There's a pink Mini here! I want it! Get it for me!" and slammed the phone closed. If my kids ever talked to me like that I'd make sure their ass was sore for a month!

Just when I thought the absurdity of comments couldn't get any better I over heard a migetesque fellow sporting a cast say "I have underwear that color, it's called G-string pink!"...Oh lord. I went home after that and decided to do a search for pink Mini Coopers to see if there were any others out there (excluding the classics, there are a few of those). The search resulted in finding a photo of one painted a cotton candy/bubblegum type pink (inspired by a rich house wife liking the color of her purse, or so that's all I could gather) which I'm not all that fond of and Penn's "stripper pink" Mini (from Penn and Teller). Not finding much I was happy that I have something not very many other people do. Then I did a word search, 90% of what I found was my Mini is the dream car of TONS of people. Holy Shit, I never knew so many people would have liked something I did, and they haven't even seen it yet! I actually thought people would have told me I was defacing a perfectly good car. I've been wrong before.

The most interesting thing I found was a quote from someone’s blog about men titled "Who's a real man?” Here is the best thing I could have ever heard about my car and my man rolled up in one sentence because not only does he drive my Mini but he painted it that colortoo!

"If I had ever had a daughter, I would have explained that it's the overcompensating male she should avoid, that if she wanted a real guy, she should look for the one who doesn't necessarily hang with the pack, who can find more constructive ways to spend his time rather than check the testosterone dipstick of every male around him.

It's the guy who believes he has nothing to prove who has already proved it.

Look for the loner in the pink Mini Cooper. That's got to be a real man."Our babies, Bokke (pink) and Hal (blue)

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Evil Webcams

Typical "I'm cooler than you" photo

In the wake of my camera being at the factory (again...sigh) for warranty work, it seems I have rediscovered my webcam. Hence the fact that some of my posts now have cheesy photos of me. My boyfriend says I look like an old lady in the wieners and wine photos...thanks babe.

I don't ever chat with people anymore, other than my father, so I haven't had much use for it. Even when I did use it nothing good came from it. I had countless people trying to view it thinking I was going to get naked and numerous guys who thought that since I had one I must want to see them jerk off in front of it. There's some classy people out there I tell you. The best thing that ever came from having it was some girl who always sent me an invite to view her camera would get high and run around dancing and twirling wearing nothing but her birthday suit and pink tutu. Hey, who am I to deny someone from having a good time, it did nothing for me other than give me a giggle, but It became a favorite past time for my roomies.

My best friend who lives on the other side of the country and is 8 months pregnant just bought a webcam for the first time. "Finally" I thought “something good will come from this evil little contraption.” she promptly mooned me to show off how big her ass had gotten since the belly expansion.


Here's props to some of the blogs I found while RANDOM BLOG CRASHING that struck my fancy. I'm sure there are a few I commented on that I have not listed. I have no idea where I left comments so if you leave me one I'll be sure to do my best and add you to the list.
To the following blogs of note worthy variety;
*The Shark and all around cool person with a chocolaty mustache.
*Rude Cactus
*Hot Girl with a Shoebox She's hot...and apparently has a shoebox.
*Jesus Of Suburbia I found him!
*Kolb Blog
*21st Century Schizoid
*Myrtle Beach Bum East coast Reprisent
*Kid Icarus
*El Jaceck this guy's hi-larious, and ladies I hear he's single
*The Dayton
*Vander Meander The girl's got a point
*Muffins andFruit They talk about Pink Minis...what else could a girl want?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Cheesy Brat a-k-a Cheddar Wurst

I think I have inadvertently subjected myself to a test. Can one survive off of eating Cheesy Brats for dinner?

Yes-yes they can. (All though my ass may not survive, it's going to get big enough to have its own area code)

For the last few nights I have been eating nothing but Hillshire Farms' Cheddar Wursts. I must say it has been a good week. For those of you who have not had the pleasure, these dogs of delight come highly recommended. They are a sausage/hotdog stuffed with cheesy goodness and packed with 240 calories (190 from fat), 8 grams of saturated fat, 660 mg's of sodium, 3 carbs and 10 whole grams of protein (yee haw). Tonight is a happy yet sad night for me. I am happy because I remembered and am currently polishing off my bottle of wine, but I am sad because I am also polishing off my package wieners. After tonight I will be of. I guess it's a good thing I've started going to the gym.

SIDE NOTE; Wow, it's not even 5PM and I'm almost toasty...good thing I'm not an alcoholic or this might be a problem. It takes too much effort and money to be any kind of addict. I'm too cheap and lazy.

6:08 PM
I'm RANDOM BLOGCRASHING again so I apologize now if you were one of my victems for the evening. If I'm confusing you go here (WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE) it will explain everything---> RANDOM BLOGCRASHING

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


I have nothing...I am officially blank. The girl who talks too much has nothing to say at the moment. I mean, sure, there's tons of things I could write about and want to but I just don't feel like it. I did manage to go to the gynm tonight, so here's my entire blog update since I've been slacking.

It was buff asian night at the gym...

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Pancakes & Ghosts

Yesterday it was announced at my work that this morning they would be bribing us to work harder by feeding us a yummy pancake breakfast. "WOO HOO!" I thought, because I'm broke and have no food in the house. Ever since I heard the news I was extatic, I bounced around work excited, it was all I could think of for the remainder of the day.

When I got home I promptly plopped my butt on the couch because my boyfriend would be working late. In my keen channel surfing ability I came across a show I'd never seen before called "Ghost Hunters", I was intrigued. The first part of the show was pretty uneventful but then they went to this creepy 200 year old house that freaked them all out. Doors opened and closed by themselves, beds and chairs virbrated and someone felt a ghotly touch on their arm. Being home alone is not normal for me andI had all the lights out so I started to get a little nervous. "Great" I thought "now I'll dream about ghosts and pancakes, that'll be interesting."

I ran upstairs, brushed my teeth and jumped into bed as quickly as possible in fear of something that might jump out and get me. I lay awake paranoid for a bit and still determined that my mental state was going to cause some freaky dream about pancakes and ghosts. I finally fell asleep.

This morning I awoke and realized I most definately had some vivid and wierd dreams, but they were not about the afor mentioned pancakes and ghosts. I had dreamt about a very smart pigeon who sailed around a pond on a leaf of lettuce. WTF?

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Never Eat these things

It came to my attention today that I should warn people of some bad food and drink combinations.
I have spent many years researching these and have tried each of them more than once. It is my professional opinion that you should NEVER eat these things together.
  1. Never eat a black licorace (anything i.e. jelly been, licorace stick) and then drink iced coffee, I don't have an explanation to what it tastes like, just know it's not pleasent.
  2. Never eat a mint and then drink a cola unless you want to discover what minty dirt tastes like.
  3. Never eat a "Laffy Taffy" and then drink a DR.Pepper, you will look like a mad dog foaming at the mouth.
  4. Never eat oatmeal and drink a Redbull, the burps are most unpleasent.
So that's our lesson for the day kids, feel free to add some of your own, I will possibly make this blog entry more entertaining after I drink a redbull and coffee...ewww....wait, that's probably bad too. Why do I torture myself so?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

I don't think we're in Kansas any more Toto

I woke up in a parallel universe today. All day today things are out of the norm for me. It started at 5:30 this morning with my boyfriend waking up and leaving the house before me (weird thing #1). No big deal I thought, it’ll be a nice day alone, I don’t get those very often (if ever). I woke up and moped downstairs to find that my internet wasn’t working (weird thing #2). So I called my boyfriend. He used his friend’s computer to check the bill and found out that it was late, so we paid it. I don’t believe they shut it off because the cable TV still works. I started to get a little annoyed but not so bad. Out of my boredom and inability to get online I decided for the first time in over 5 years I would walk into a salon and get my hair cut. I was nervous as all hell because up until a few months ago I was a hairdresser and knew the people cutting my hair. Amazingly and against all laws of hairdressers she actually cut my hair how I told her without any problems (weird thing #3). I decided with this stroke of luck I would go shopping which I also hadn’t done in a very long time which went pretty normal, I tried on 6 pairs of pants and 1 shirt…the shirt fit and not one pair of pants did (that’s normal). I then went to the counter with my whopping $6.99 purchase where an old wheezy and I mean wheezy (scary) old lady proceeded to wheeze on the back of my neck. I would inch up a little to get away from her and she would inch up closer (weird thing #4). Finally as I was about to turn around and say, “Would you please get out of my fucking bubble and keep your phlegm of my neck you freak!” I got called to the newly opened register…THANK GOD! Aggravated by the purchase of clothes I did not make I decided to do anything a girl who can’t squeeze into a new pair of pants would do. I proceeded to Starbucks for a caramel frapaccino and some kind of sugary goodie to make myself feel better. On the way there I hear a car coming up fast with loud gear changes and revving of the engine. Obviously it’s someone who wants to race me in my little pink Mini Cooper. Ok I thought, I’m down, I could let of a little steam right now. Just as I’m about to floor it I look over to see another old lady in her gold old lady car go sputtering by (weird thing #5). What the hell was that? Oh well, no racing for me I suppose. I stop at the gas station and gas up my fuel efficient go-cart of a car. $35! For a Mini! (Weird thing #6). Well at least I’ll have my Starbucks. I walk inside to find them out of goodies, (damnit) I grab my drink, my heaven in a cup and walk out the door. I take a sip and….and….and…STARBUCKS MAKES A BAD CUP OF COFFEE! (Weird thing #7)

In Arizona it was ONLY 99degrees outside today (weird thing #8) and I saw a mexican surfer being interviewed on the spanish channel but he was speaking English, anyone else agree with me that it's a bit odd (weird thing#9). I fixed my internet as you can see (weird thing #10) and there's still 10 usable hours left in my day....I wonder what else will venture my way? Or maybe I shouldn't ask.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I will win damnit!

You think you're so smart with your cool silver exterior and your little wire frame. Life is easy for you basking in the sun all day. You are such a lazy prick. I just want you to know it's been a week since you came into my life and this battle we have begun is not over yet, I will win, you will do as you are told no matter how many times I have to look like a crazy person while yelling at you. I am better than you, I know for a fact that you whore your self out to anyone willing to pay $6.99. Well I dropped the cash buddy and now you are my slave, you are here to help me. I read your directions and contrary to popular belief, folding you like a fucking taco and giving you an ever so graceful twist does NOT work. Damn collapsible sun visor...YOU WILL FUCKING COLLAPSE FOR ME PROPERLY ONE DAY!!!! YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!!!!

In True SPD fashion I give you a sexy pose
Fooled you thought I'd get naked huh?