stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Riddle me this Batman;

I can hear someone badly whistling the Oompa Loompa song over the cubicles. If I hear it one more time today I'm going to hurdle over my desk, grab them, and say "Oompa loompa doompity doo, I've got another riddle for you! What's approxamately 5 foot 10 inches tall, blonde and going to shove this stapler down your throat?!" they not know that the Oompa's rendition was better? I can't handle this....Argh!!!!! Breathe Emily Breathe......deep breath

Sunday, February 19, 2006

It's a curse

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing (and I mean nothing) goes your way? I had a friend call me at work the other day and that's what was going on. Everything was miserable, weather it be the lunch order getting screwed up, the gas station attendent being a jerk or a bad hair day, You know what I'm talking about. We've all had them. It's a curse whatever it is and I think it's been passed on to me. I won't go into details but today would be one of those days. I just went downstairs to try and make my day better, but failed due to various reasons, so I moped my negative self back up stairs. I hopped on the internet and prayed something whitty enough to pull my ass out of this funk would come accross my screen. I've been obsessed with the blog Cute Overload which features photos of animals so cute it would make a grown man's knees quiver. If anything should make me feel better, it'll be cute wittle aminals. The page loaded and something far better came accross my screen. They finally posted a photo I had taken and submitted over a month ago. Is this a sign? Will my day brighten up? I'm freezing cold right now and the clouds haven't parted with a heavenly sound to let the sun shine in but there's still hope. It's a fact, I am stir crazy and would really like to get out of the house, but alas, It doesn't seem like it will happen. I am doomed to the interior walls of this place. Man I need to get rich soon, this whole broke thing is killing me.
Here's my bunny that was featured and the link to my Flickr account which has other cute photos and various nifty things. Check them out...maybe if my day doesn't get brighter yours will.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Obligatory Valentine's Day Post's Tuesday...I ate a handfull of candy hearts and watched a bunch of girls get all giggly over some flowers that will wilt and die before the week is through. It's funny how girls always talk crap about guys and their cars. It's a dick contest between men to prove themselves by making a big hunk of metal go really fast. Well ladies, I got news for you. What do you think it is when you show off to your so called friends about how many gifts and flowers you suckered out of your other half for Valentine's Day? It's the same thing!...only we don't have dicks or mustaches(ok maybe some have mustaches), but we are caddy and get a thrill when showing up our fellow female associates. One girl got 7 dozen roses...SEVEN! She can officially smile because no other girl got that many. She is the queen of Valentine's day, so much more so than the girl who obnoxiously talked about how she got hers a day early(news flash...that does not make your boyfriend the best man on earth). Today is just another day for me, I don't need those silly things to know I have a good relationship, I get those things on a regular basis in more useful and cooler ways. I don't need a media produced holiday to let me know I'm loved. Don't get me wrong I don't mind getting little gifts on Valentine's day and I often am jealous of hearing about everyone elses plans but honestly I'm far more content in my relationship then 90% of the girls who worship the holiday and don't need to bost to others to make myself feel better. I also don't need a box of chocolates to make me put out, that would make me a very cheap hooker.
I am now off to spend my evening in Algebra class, yeee haw! Well, at least until 10pm, then I'll go home, get squishy with my italian stallion like I do every night, and go to sleep.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Satan's Cel phone Molested my Boob!

No joke. The day started out just like any other day. I woke up late, rushed out the door, and went to work only to sit at my desk and pretend to know what I was doing. Sometimes I actually think it works...or maybe I really do know what I'm doing, I’ve just fooled myself into thinking I don't. The day was long and slow. Finally after 8 grueling hours the time came to walk out the door. I was officially free for the remainder of the day. "Woo hoo!" I thought to my self in overwhelming happiness as I gathered my belongings. Thank god I'm not a girly-girl and keep my excess baggage to a minimum. Why would I want to slow down the time it would take me to prepare for the end of my misery by carrying a big purse? Maybe I'm just lazy. Regardless, I hi-tailed it to the other side of the building where I park my precious pink MINI Cooper, this also happens to be the side of the building I use to work in and is home to the woman/thing we call Skelator (a-k-a Satan). I gleefully said my goodbyes as I passed through our trailer park of cubicles when all of a sudden, "BOINK!", modern electronics just collided with my Tonkas. I giggled and with a sarcastic gasp said "Helensia, My boob just touched your cell phone!" little did I know her response would be "Oh, it's not my cell phone, it's (she who shall not be named)'s cell phone." and then I made eye contact. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOO! Blech! Ptewy! ACK!!!! I can feel my skin shriveling as I gracefully tried to cover my urge to vomit while walking out the door. I am cursed. So much for happy endings.

Once again I dedicate this post to anyone who has ever had to work with a psycho.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Best Blonde Joke Ever

This truly is the Best Blonde Joke Ever.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Todays question

has been answered.

Q. Do you let the person pushing the shopping cart accross a major road go infront of your car even though they're still 100 yards ahead of you and this will majorly slow down your 5 o'clock rush to get home?

A. Yes...yes you do. After they pass in front of you, you will soon realize how right you were by doing this "out of your way" deed by noticing the 3 foot machete hanging out their back pocket.

Moral of the day is; Always be nice to the psychos, for it ups the chance they will be nice to you.