stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

History at it's Finest

My sister called me about 6 months ago with some important news. Our High school is having its first class reunion ever and she wants me to go with her! My sister and I spent the first half of our lives growing up and getting into as much trouble as we could in small town Maine. There were 7 towns that went to our one school and the graduating classes were probably around 60 kids each. The school had never held a class reunion and decided they'd send out letters to anyone who ever graduated from there in the 40 years they've been open. Great idea, right? I told my sister I was up for catching up with some of our old crew and frolicking through our stomping grounds with the wind in our hair and beer in our bellies. I immediately dialed my best friend from back in the day and the first person to ever ask me to marry them whom is now a flaming homosexual (go figure). We giggled and laughed about watching "Romy and Michelle’s High school Reunion", bringing flasks of liqueur (Vodka for me, Shmeernoff Ice for Matt) and telling everyone we were married with 5 kids. No sooner did I step off the airplane did I find out Matt had been drunk when we came up with our genius ideas and in all actuality he was scared to go because he didn't want to see his entire family who he was sure would be there.

We drug him kicking and screaming to find
that not a damn one of them showed up, nor did anyone we know. Oh well, I always had those typical dreams and aspirations of showing up and seeing the people who picked on me and pushed me down just so they could eat their words. I did manage to run into my first boyfriend’s sister and told her to say hello for me. When I saw her again she told me his response was "". That's it! That's all I get?! WTF?! Is he not the least bit curious how I'm doing or how my life has been for the last 15 years? I suppose I shouldn't really care to know these things either, it's probably that silly little chromosome that makes me a girl acting up again. I try to swallow it down but sometimes it takes over. Its ok,I saw the people who matter the most. During the weekend I got updates on a lot of the people from our class which will have to curb my appetite to know their miseries. It seems there were only a few options for the kids from Maine. They are either Dead, married to their high school sweetheart pumping out babies, got the hell out of dodge, or gay.

Here's the sum up of what I heard, see if you can foll
ow along.
1 drowned while trying to drink and swim, 1 hung himself, 1 shot himself after maki
ng mad passionate love to Matt after school one day (guess he couldn't handle being gay), one was gay but then found god and is now married with kids, the tomboy (and obvious lesbian) has changed her name to Janice, two lesbians one out of the closet and one in are now both married but secretly wishing they could sleep with me,my first boyfriend is a surfer (in Maine!?) and married a fat hippy chick named Vickie and then the others whom are married to their high school sweethearts. The saddest of whom was my sisters best friend who was recently gunned down by a pissed off truck driver leaving her two little children (one is named for my sister) motherless.
I'm curious though about the ones who did marry thei
r highschool sweethearts. I know this happenes all the time in other towns and I think it's great but for some reason when it comes to people in Maine I wonder if it's because they don't know anything else. They've never left the state or had other experiences. What would happen if you actually took them out of their environment at this phaze of their lives?. It's simply amazing.

I'm glad I was raised in Maine and the values it gave me, I am also glad I "got the hell out of Dodge!"


At 8/26/05, 8:51 AM, Blogger deetour said...

Nice pix!

At 8/26/05, 11:03 AM, Anonymous Shark85 said...

I think you are the craziest person on the Internet!! Laughing my ass off!!

At 8/26/05, 11:10 AM, Blogger Charlotte said...

Ah, high school reunions. I skipped our first one because I figured it was too close to when we graduated. I'm gonna hit the next one, when everyone's had more time to gain weight and pretty much ruin their lives so I can laugh at their misfortune.

We used to live in small-town Maine as well (Sanford). Now I get, "What do you mean you don't like fish? You're from MAINE!" Like that is supposed to have some influence over my taste buds. Morons.

At 8/26/05, 11:25 AM, Blogger Tüls said...

that last pic....yer such a stud


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