McFarty Pants

While sitting at dinner last night and conversing about my friends girlfriend who won't fart for a year and then lets out the built up cloud of gas strait from the depths of hell, I thought of something.
Yes McFartypants gave me a genius idea. As many know, I am a hair Stylist. Well think about the torture someone like me endures when a case of gas hits? If I am in the middle of doing someones' hair, I can't move. If I excuse myself it trails me back and holding it just never seems to be an option. I usually just grab my blow drier (if timing is appropriate) and claim I'm blowing the snippets of hair off their neck while conveniently having bad aim to wisp away the stinky doomdom from my ass.
There seems to be some miraculous new technology with air neutralizers. These sprays are amazing but unfortunately I think my client might figure out what I'm up to if I were to stop what I'm doing and start spraying it in the general vicinity.So I think someone needs to make a pair of underwear with a type of ventilation filter built into the ass. Like an air neutralizing trap for gas! I mean seriously, it wouldn't be that hard to do and it wouldn't need to be bulky. Just a pocket in the back of your undies where you place the new pad each time you wear through one. It could even have a little censor meter that tells you when the little ionic particles run low and it needs to be changed.
Now to find financial backing for my invention...someone will steal this idea for sure!

I gots teh crazy eyes

I am a firm believer in the theory that you can usually judge a book by its cover. Now I did just say usually because there are always exceptions to the rules and this week I do believe I am one of them. There are many people we come across who are inside, exactly what they appear to be on the outside. I met a girl once who looked exactly like a troll...and what do you know? She was a very troll like creature, just like we all know the big lovable teddy bear guy who may be huge but is a total softy. Well anyway, the topic of "crazy eyes" keeps coming up lately. I'm not sure how to explain them, it's the people you meet and weather it be there eyes completely bugging out of their heads or you can just tell there's a psychopath behind them waiting to leap out and stab you in the head. It is possible for "crazy eyes" to come and go. I know a girl who when I first met her had them and as she got older she got less crazy, there for the "crazy eyes" subsided. I never thought in a million years would I be the person to have crazy eyes but for the last 2 weeks my left eye has taken on a mind of it's own. Now, I know it's not the kind of "crazy eyes" I'm talking about, it's purely the nerve over my eye telling me to piss off it's going to do what it wants and my eyelashes are going to bootie dance with each other like teenagers in heat. For the first couple of days it was kind of funny and I couldn't ever catch it twitching when I tried to look in the mirror. I finally had the opportunity to see it but the second I got within viewing distance of the mirror it went away. I was like a Sesame Street character leaning in and away, in and away...near...far...near...far. When I stepped back it would twitch, when I got close it would go away. I giggled. "Whatever", I thought "No big deal, it doesn't hurt it's just annoying I can handle this." well that was until I was in the middle of a job interview with a place I really would like to work at and while being stared directly in the eyes by my possible new boss it starts twitching. "Damn you crazy eyes! Damn you all to hell!!!! Not only has my concentration disappeared but you're making me look like a psycho." ok interview over, it went well but they can't hire me until September...ummmm ok that won't work. Then today I'm trying to convince my apartment complex not to charge me an extra $150 because I couldn't find the drop box they so delightfully hid behind some foliage when "crazy eyes"took over again. I could just see the girls thoughts like a neon sign, "This chicks strait up crazy! Not only is she an idiot for not finding the drop box but she's going to kill me so I better not charge." I'm happy I don't have to pay the charge but as I type this my "crazy eye" is having another party, at least this time it's for good reason.