stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Monday, July 18, 2005

There's a theif amongst us!

Ok for the second time in my life there is a certain object that has decided to up and walk away. I suppose I should start from the beginning. I have a history of coming home from vacation where something really weird happened while I was gone...like a few years ago when I found a really fowl smelling month old poopy diaper that got thrown in my trash can in my bedroom and forgotten about, so when I opened the lid I was hit like a sledgehammer with an overly fowl smell...there are no words to truly describe it, I would rather shove fish guts in my nostrils. Another time I came home and opened my bedroom door which had not been opened for 3 weeks to feel pinpoint stabbing pains in my feet, when I looked down they were covered in black specks, apparently a family of a bazillion fleas had taken up residence in my room and were now making a tasty meal of my feet. My current situation May have actually happened while I was on vacation but I didn't discover it until now. The first time it occurred I came home to what seemed like a normal return for once. I scoped out my house and everything seemed fine, then my roommates started to giggle and poke each other bantering about if and who will tell me this funny story. Finally one of them came out with it. While I was on vacation she had walked into the bathroom to discover our other (not present) roommate’s vibrator which some how was forgotten about on the back of the toilet. First of all the roommate in question was a strait (but confused) male. It was funny I'll admit, it gave me a good chuckle. Then the story continued, the two roommates confronted him about it saying that it was gross to leave something like that out but he denied it until no end. They put it on my bed knowing damn well it showed up after I left town and that I wouldn’t be so stupid but didn't want to embarrass him any more. It disappeared later that day. I continued to chuckle...then one of them mentioned what it looked like. I ran to my bedroom, pulled my vibrator out of the drawer and said "did it look like this?!" We were in total shock! OMFG! That is wrong on so many levels but it's given me a laugh for the last five years. This brings me to present time. After having a conversation with my boyfriend that I don't own very many sexy underwear I decided to clean out my underwear drawer to make room for some possible new and sexier ones, this happens to be the same drawer I keep my vibrator in. I haven't used it in over a year because I'm quite happy with my sex life and the size of my man's penis that there hasn't been a need. Well...guess what? Yup, that's right! The damn thing's been kidnapped! My first instinct was that Chris hid it as a joke to see how long it would take for me to notice, he's always been out to get that thing anyway. I checked and he swears it wasn't him; he even helped me look around the house for it. For crying out loud, Vibrators do not just up and walk away or play hide and seek! Now, there's only a select few people that have been left in this house alone with out supervision...ok...only one...and she just moved to the other side of the country (hmmm?)...It's a conspiracy I tell you! There is a vibrator Monster out there and it’s decided to mess with me! Damn yooooooooou!

10 Comments:

At 7/19/05, 7:57 AM, Blogger brianna said...

ew! it wasn't me i promise! no offense, but i am not about sharing objects that have had your PJ on it, if i can avoid it. :) plus, i've got my own, thanks very much!

 
At 7/19/05, 3:05 PM, Blogger Tüls said...

Well now that the world knows you have some kinda sex toy...and you HAVE used it...etc...

ummm...seriously...did you just missplace it...I mean reary...

when I was in ATL...did one of your boy friends use it one you and take it with him perhaps...or maybe you used it on one of your boy friends...and it got stuck...and you were drunk so you forgot...

honestly...WTF...

 
At 7/19/05, 4:52 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

umm...no other boyfriends honey...just you.

 
At 7/19/05, 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about me?

 
At 7/19/05, 9:30 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

well concidering I don't know if I've met you yet or have any knowledge of you I'm going to assume you don't count.

 
At 7/20/05, 7:05 AM, Blogger brianna said...

"anonymous" is probly just scott again... trying to keep the fact that he's layin the pipe a secret from Deetour... Scott, is there a vibrator stuck in your ass? Push, buddy, push.

 
At 7/20/05, 9:01 AM, Blogger deetour said...

Hahahahahaha it was ME!!

 
At 7/20/05, 9:03 AM, Blogger deetour said...

And he goes by Biff, remember?

 
At 7/20/05, 9:03 AM, Blogger deetour said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7/20/05, 9:47 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

oh yeah...Biff...such an attractive name...you better watch out, I'm a homewrecker in disguise and I'm flirting with him and trying to ruin your marri...uh...life

 

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