I have arrived

and it was not in style, just true Emiy fashion.

As many of you know I finally decided to get out of Scottsdale. I didn’t mind the place, it just wasn’t for me. As of yesterday I have officially left the state of Arizona and headed for sunny California. I had planned to leave by 5am Saturday morning but there was this nagging feeling that I would be lazy and not leave until much later, there for thrusting me into oodles of icky traffic (you like all those descriptive words don’t you?). This nagging feeling is what woke me up at 3am. Eek! Unable to sleep I hopped in my little pink Mini Cooper, jam packed with stuff and took off. It’s crazy how many things I squeezed into that car, I really wish I had taken a picture; I don’t think David Copperfield could have done a better job. I have now been in California a full 24 hours, within this time frame I have gotten thrown onto 2 totally different highways forcing me to go way out of the way only to turn around.

The first incident was on my way into town, I was tired, the two Redbulls I had drank weren’t doing me any good and my salsa flavored Cheez-Its were not satisfying my tummy. I once again had a nagging feeling. I called someone who was like “Ooh your fine, just keep going the directions are right.” So I did. After passing several signs telling me my destination was in the complete opposite direction and a sign saying I had just crossed the San Diego line I knew I was in trouble. I went over 40 miles out of my way and showed up about an hour later then I should have and almost fell on my face when I stepped out of the car due to a full bladder. When you take a wrong turn and finally get on the right path, all you want to do is get there. Screw the bladder, it can wait (all though California’s very bumpy roads didn’t help). One wrong turn down, one to go.

I tried to take a nap to catch up on my lack of sleep and exhaustion from the drive. Nope, once again I was out of luck. A friend of mine called and invited me to dinner. Sweet I’m starved and they’re only 5 miles away. My lovely directions from a well known website, once again looked so easy. Two right turns and a left, no problem, I’ll be there in no time! I found the first right turn ok but then the road split into two highways, uh oh. Think Emily think, which way do I go? I went strait. As soon as I did, I realized the stinking roads out here lie. The other direction, the way I should have gone was not a highway! How can they call that a highway, it could be a street, road, boulevard or even Avenue but not highway! What is the deal out here? This is the 2^nd time for crying out loud. No problem I thought, I’ll just get off at the next exit and turn around. Well the next exit was 2 more highways so I skipped it and drove ten more miles to the next real exit only to find out I had to drive another mile, make an illegal u-turn in order to get back on the highway. Ok few, I’m going back in the same direction and oh look, there’s an exit for the road I had been looking for in the first place. Cool, I’ll take it. No sooner do I get to the off-ramp do I realize the exit is forcing me to go right and drive strait through the LAX airport with no u-turns allowed. I actually said very loudly “You have got to be f*cking kidding me?!” another illegal u-turn later and I was finally going in the right direction (again). I arrived minutes later only to realize the street I was suppose to turn left on doesn’t go left because left has a different name but I went left because that’s what the directions told me. Are you still with me? Yeah? Well guess what? I was supposed to go right. My 5 mile trek turned into a half hour ordeal. But dinner was good and today I found $6 on the ground next to my Mini. Someone must have thought she was Stripper pink! Hahahaha…I’m going to go frivolously spend my $6 on whatever the hell I want because I deserve it damnit.

Dear California,
Please fix your highway names, signs (or lack there of) and pot holes. My Mini hates your roads and so do I. To put it nicely, They suck!
Thank you
Sincerely
Your disgruntled new tenant
Emily

PS
Thank you for the money but it will take a lot more than $6 to make me like you but I am bribable.