SUV Relief Fund

Are you tired of having too much money? Is being rich (or at least faking like you’re rich) having too much of a burden on you? It has come to my attention recently that there must be some stressed individuals in the world over having too much of everything. Day after day I see these poor souls who must be absolutely perplexed over how much stuff they have. It’s a really horrible thing and should be taken very seriously. These unfortunate people have to spend tons of money day after day just to fill their SUVS only to have that gas get them a few blocks away. Yet the money just keeps coming (oh the humanity). It is so hard for them to find parking spaces let alone park properly; they shouldn’t have to park far away and walk just because they own an SUV. They should be able to park up front just like all the lucky people with small cars (see exhibit A, below). Its discrimination, the parking spaces should be bigger. Just like making a fat person purchase two airplane tickets because they take up twice the space. It’s not their fault they’re fat (usually it’s McDonald’s fault). There fore SUV owners shouldn’t be forced to squeeze into one undersized spot. Don’t blame them if they park too close, they’re completely innocent (See exhibit B, below). This is a plague that hasn’t had a resolution. Well have no fear; I am officially creating the SUV relief fund. All of you SUV owners can send the extra cash that is putting such strain on your life to me. I will graciously accept this burden from you and find a way to dispose of it properly, respectively, and professionally (like on strippers). Once you have offloaded enough weight you can then buy a smaller car (like a Mini Cooper See exhibit C, below). Think of it like liposuction for your wallet!

Please join me in the fight for SUV owner’s rights; let’s unite and cure this epidemic before it's too late.

All photos were taken by me, StoopidGirl