stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Friday, March 17, 2006

The pain of green

Last night I had a big long debate about when St. Patrick's Day actually was. My buddy was let down to find out he was a day early and the bars would not be full. Not to mention my beloved boyfriend and I are flat broke (what's new).

St. Patty's day use to be one of my favorite holidays in which my previous best friend and I would always go out to the bars and get rip roaring drunk. The evening always consisted of some form of alcohol induced silliness and meaningless flirtations with strangers. The lines were so long to the bars we'd end up peeing in an alleyway because it was far better than peeing in our pants. The last time I remember celebrating the holiday was with her, and the last thing I remember was squatting next to a dumpster and hearing a voice from above say, "Heeeeyyyy! What are you doing?"

"God? Is that you?"

Nope, it wasn't...unless of course God likes to take the form of a middle aged drunk architect on this joyous holiday of over indulgence in the evilness that is beer. I looked up and no doubt made a smart ass remark about marking my territory on his dumpster. Sometimes it just doesn't matter what you say to men or how disturbing your actions are they will still think you are cute and witty because you have a vagina. He invited the two of us up to use the bathroom which was a moot point due to the river Nile which now flowed on the asphalt below him. My friend and I looked at each other and then down to the bars' line which hadn't moved at all, when we hear the three magic words that will make anyone happy on this holiday, "I have beer!".

Climbing the fire escape type stairs to his apartment was somewhat easy on the way up, I had a feeling coming down would be a lot more difficult of a task. We hung out with him and his buddies for a while. Both of us were pretending to drink way more than we actually were so we could steal the beers by putting them in our purses. I don't know if we said goodbye but we managed to finally escape, pee in the alley again, and show back up to the front of the bar where our buddies who had held are place had still not acquired the delicacy of beer.

Did I mention girls are evil? It's not our fault, it's genetics and men are easy so the blame goes to them.

So anyway. My point of this post was; not only did I have a discussion about it last night but I woke up this morning completely forgetting and not wearing green. Everyone...and I mean everyone in my office building seemed to remember. I am a loser, how could I have forgotten my favorite holiday?! I must be getting old. There might not be a bar in my near future but I may have to pick up a 12 pack to share with my obviously getting old boyfriend who also forgot. So now am sporting a little green sticker that says "My green is better than yours" but I'm thinking of changing it to "I'm an old fart. Pinch me and feel my wrath!"


At 3/17/06, 1:56 PM, Anonymous Hugh said...

Can I at least have the bottles back for deposit?


Still think you're cute and witty.


At 3/17/06, 2:31 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...


At 3/17/06, 9:34 PM, Blogger Tüls said...

happy flippin whatever!

holidays...americans excuse to get shitty and do shit they should do anyway...but have no balls....

At 3/19/06, 11:28 PM, Blogger Joefish said...

I still don't quite understand the pinching thing. I've only seen one person do that and she gets me every damn year.


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