Friends are for losers

The longer I stay in Arizona the more I become bitter about the topic of "friends". Why is it so hard for me to NOT have any friends? I did it when I was younger. I was an outcast growing up, the nerd, the ugly, the flat chested, and the repeatedly got mistaken for a boy type of girl. I had a select group of friends in my small town, we never grew apart, I just moved away. I arrived in a slightly bigger town when I was 15 only to find that yet again I was a loner. I went through a few friends until one day I met one "right" person who in turn introduced me to another...then another, and so on. Before I knew it I was acquainted with all the "right" people and even some of the "not so right but not so bad" people. Things were never perfect, I could never claim that. There was drama and lots of it but I was in my teens, it's expected. I am now 29 and in the 2 years since I've moved to Arizona I have dealt with more friendship drama than the girl who missed her period a week after prom. I am amazed...no, no, I am flabbergasted and speechless. I don't even know how to make a funny joke about it and I'd like to think I'm a pretty witty type of gal. Growing up an outcast will do that to you.

These days the question of what really makes a friend keeps coming up in conversations by the only true friend I have here. So tell me dear strangers, what makes a true friend? How do you know if someone is bluffing their way into your life? And what do you do if you actually figure them out?

I know who is not my friend. It is not the person you know for many years who you often helped out of bad situation only to have them turn their back on you when you finally need a returned favor. To that I sadly said goodbye. It is not the girl who hangs around only because she is trying to jump down your boyfriends pants and when it doesn't happen she turns around and tells everyone she slept with him anyway along with another poor fellow with a fiancé, but she does not admit to sleeping with the one person she actually did. I feel sorry for her child and husband. Stupid cunt, I've been down that road before and it cost me a best friend of 8 years. To them I said goodbye. It is not the person who calls you only when they need something and then hides in the bushes because they are assuming you can't see them. What a sad existence it is when you continue to keep people in your life only to avoid them when it's not convenient for you and expect them not to catch on. A little word of advice, friendship is not a competition and I think that bush you are cowardly crouched in makes a fine new friend for you, I'm sure it has tons to offer. It is not the numerous acquaintances who haven't talked to you in forever until they see a "sexy" photo of you, so now your inbox is full of the "How are you?" emails which translate to "I'm just keeping the door open so if you're ever single again maybe I'll have a shot because I didn't take it when you weren’t so hot." I'm still the same ole me, I'm just a better photographer.

Why do I waste my time even thinking about these people? They're not even worth this post.

My true friends are the reason this post is alive, they are worth it. My true friends are two kitties who were put into the ground way too early because of people who have a lot in common with the ones mentioned above. My true friends are the ones who call me on my birthday not because they remembered but because I was important enough to be one of the only phone calls made that day to tell me they have been diagnosed with brain and spinal cancer. My true friends are the ones who leave me silly messages and call me stoopid because no matter how bad I feel they know it makes me giggle. My true friends stock pile guns because the end of the world is coming. My true friends include a crazy Jewish girl who tolerates my jokes. My true friends include my family (call me one of the lucky ones) and my true friends include the person I get in this conversation with the most.

So here it is. The end of my not so entertaining post. Like I've said before I'm still holding out hope that there are good people out there. I've met less insane people on the internet (including my boyfriend) then I have here in Arizona. I have met some decent people while my time is being served here but so far I have not met the "right" kind who will introduce me to another...and another...

So for anyone reading this who is questioning their friendships I give you this, if there is a question, go with your instinct. They are probably not worth your time, even if it takes 8 years to show up, it eventually does. Nip it in the bud.