stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

DESTROYING LIVES; One text message at a time

So there I was, sitting in my Psychology class listening to my teacher blather on. I noticed one of my fellow classmates giggling and flirting with a girl. He’s a cool guy and she seems nifty, maybe I’ll give him a little nudge to go for it. So I sent him a text message.

ME; Are you getting the hook-up or what?

I giggled and waited to see the look on his face but nothing happened. Maybe his phone is on silent I thought, he’ll get it after class and probably be confused as to what I’m talking about. I soon forgot about the message, left class, went home and fell fast asleep.

Bright and early this morning I hear the familiar buzz of my phone alerting me to a new message. Sure enough it was Alvin…well, that’s what I thought.

NOT ALVIN; Who are you?

ME; It’s Emily, I saw you flirting with that girl in class last night.

NOT ALVIN; I don’t know you

Before I could respond

NOT ALVIN again; What school do you go to and who are you sending this message to?

Realizing I had programmed Alvin’s number wrong into my phone

ME; Oops, sorry. I’m dyslexic and typed the number in wrong

NOT ALVIN; Ok hope you’re not sending this message to Brandon

ME; Nope

This was the end of our conversation. Now at this point it doesn’t seem very significant or entertaining at the least. Just a misguided text message right? Wrong! Dead wrong. I processed the situation a little more. They said “hope” they hoped I wasn’t sending the message to Brandon. This wasn’t an act of good will trying to make sure that Brandon got the message in case I really did type the number in right. This was the act of someone else, someone who thinks I’m lying about having the wrong number trying to cover my tracks. Here are the scenarios as to who was writing me back.

  1. It was Brandon’s mother. He’s probably a 12 year old Mormon boy currently getting yelled at by his mom. “Who is this Emily person and you’re too young to flirt with girls! Consider yourself grounded young man!” she would then sulk off crying because her little boy might not be a little boy much longer.
  2. It was Brandon's Dad. Well we know it wasn't because he wouldn't have said "hope" but just incase he would be patting his son on the back saying "So did you get the girl's number?"
  3. It was Brandon’s girlfriend. They have probably had numerous trust issues in the past and this is probably the straw that will break the camel’s back. I can hear her now, poor Brandon probably couldn’t get a word of defense in at all. (insert tears of scorned female) “You’re such an asshole! Who were you flirting with last night? You said you loved me! You said it would never happen again! You’re a liar! I never want to see you again!” She then smashes his phone, eliminating any possibility of calling me to find out I really don’t know Brandon.
  4. It was Brandon’s boyfriend. See scenario above, only difference is They will end up in a cat fight tearing off each others clothing and then screw like jack rabbits because they’re men and men like to screw. This scenario will repeat itself many times over until they’ve finally had enough of each other.

So thus you have my 3 stories. If you have a better one feel free to include it. I am officially an evil horrible person, purely by accident of course. This reminds me of the time I drove by a couple holding hands and yelled “Fuck him, I did!” the girl immediately slapped the guy. I was not an accidental evil person in this case, I was just young but it sure was funny.

So to Brandon you poor poor boy, good luck today.


At 4/26/06, 1:39 PM, Anonymous ROCKYJAY said...

This is off the topic, but couldn't possibly have a pink Mini.

How cool is that?

You're officially my new hero!

At 4/26/06, 2:33 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

I do infact have a pink Mini! I earned every bit of her metal flakety goodness. I also painted my friend Tori's Mini pink too. there are picks of them at my Flickr account

At 4/26/06, 3:36 PM, Blogger deetour said...

A guy broke up with me because I sent a text to him meant for a my girlfriend. Ooops! Oh well, it happens for a reason.

At 4/26/06, 4:12 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

must of been one hell of a text. What did you say? Give me the juicy goodness!

At 4/26/06, 4:38 PM, Anonymous Courtney said...

I was sent a text this Saturday morning from my boyfriend breaking up with me.....IN A TEXT!!!! What's wrong with people?

At 4/26/06, 6:22 PM, Blogger Rod Skullcrusher said...

Text messages can be deadly. I recently found a cell phone on the sidewalk near my home and was searching through it to find the owner. There were numerous texts with things like, "Don't smoke that until I get there" and "I got the shit" that made me reluctant to call the number labeled home in the address book. I did not want to turn this over to some kid's parents and have the poor kid get their butt kicked for smoking weed.

BTW, your comment that you yelled at that couple is classic.

At 4/26/06, 7:21 PM, Blogger Jade said...

Omg, that is soooo funny that you yelled that! I would have laughed until I peed! Were you in the pink mini at the time? bwahahahah, that is fabulous!

I would have to think that the person texting you would have been Brandon's girlfriend. Would have been funny to be a fly on their wall! lol

At 4/26/06, 7:28 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

Courtney-Is this my little Courtney? We should that it's a good thing but it's stil and excuse to celebrate.

Rod-Or worse if the cops had been tracing the phone and they found you holding it and busted you for being a dealer or something.

Jade-This was years ago so no Mini, it was a buick belonging to my sister.

I actually thought about calling the number and asking, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I had a girl call me once from a town way far away asking if I'd slept with her boyfriend because she found the comic book I wrote stashed in his porno mag with my number on it. I had met him on vacation and he had been the only person nice to me so I had givin it to him. Can't blame her for wondering though.

At 4/26/06, 8:42 PM, Anonymous Joefish said...

If we're choosing, I pick number three. That's probably the most likely and definitely the most fun. Harness your inner predator and call that number. Inquiring minds want to know. :)

At 4/26/06, 10:51 PM, Blogger deetour said...

It's too painful to relay. Sigh.

At 4/28/06, 10:06 AM, Blogger Chris said...

One of my wife's friends from out of town accidentally text msg me once, something meant for her boyfriend. I had lots of fun with that one and never let her live it down:)

You are evil but someone has to keep us amused around her.

I will only say this once, but I could say it after every entry. You are an incredibly talented writer and funny as hell. (not that flames and brimstone, demons tearing at your flesh are all that funny, but you know what I mean)

My Blog

At 4/28/06, 12:12 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

Chris-you're so flqattering me right now :) keep it up! heh heh

At 5/3/06, 10:02 PM, Anonymous J/C said...

Sheet! This really made me laugh.

And I'm in real need of good laughs right now.


Post a Comment

<< Home