stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I have a Killer Ass!

No seriously...I have a killer ass. I mean, it's been accused many times before of being deadly, especially after I've eaten a bunch of veggies. It's true, my ass has even made the dog get up and leave the room. Once it even cured my boyfriends swolen wrist when I accidently sat on it. He screamed in horror and nearly punched me. Within a day the swelling was gone and I was thanked for the mighty power that is my ass. I've even given enough Dutch ovens and SBD's (Silent But Deadly) to make a grown man cry. I highly doubt any of these situations count as deadly. Today on the other hand I am proud to say I have a killer ass. I got out of my car and looked down upon my seat. There sat what I assumed was a little flower blossum that the breaze had floated into my car. I leaned down to grab it only to be startled. It was a Bee! Not a; dried up been stuck somewhere for weeks with legs and wings falling off Bee. It was an; I just got squished by a giant white girls ass and now my guts are all gooey on her car seat Bee. I impress myself more and more everyday. I am shocked my ass didn't get stung as that would be the course of action you would think some poor Bee would have taken in it's last valient effort before it was pankaked by my stinky doomdom. I wonder if I should add this to my list of talents? I'm already really good at burning ants, filling hot tubs with massive amounts of bubbles and picking my nose (all though I really need to work on my aim when flinging them).
Bees beware, it's payback time for those 22 stings you gave me as a child in one sitting, or the time you hid inside my coke and attacked my lip like it was a voodoo doll. That time I stuck one of you inside a jar and shook it in circles violently only to let you go and watch you fly away dizzy doesn't count...but it was damn funny.

3 Comments:

At 4/19/06, 9:07 PM, Blogger Geeky Dragon Girl said...

You got bee guts all over your car now? Eww! I thought it was a cool little Mini, but now it's just a gross bee-guts car.

 
At 4/20/06, 6:42 AM, Anonymous Joefish said...

Dutch ovens and a bee guts mini. What's not to love here?

 
At 4/20/06, 8:25 AM, Blogger tina said...

thank you for keeping me so entertained while procrastinating at work. :o)

 

Post a Comment

<< Home