stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Zit Remedy

Does anyone remember the television show Degrassi Jr. High where this kid
named Joey Jeremiah had a band called "
Zit Remedy"? Well, I could use a little
Zit Remedy right about now. There are so many zits on my face even the
worlds best slalom skier wouldn't make it through alive. There is a virtual
battlefield brewing on the left side of my chin and I'm losing. I can just
hear their little voices "
Sir! All men are present and accounted for. We
have back-ups coming in from the north. The Enemy doesn't stand a chance,
sir!"
I spent many years battling these little bastards and tried many different
remedies. You'd think at the age of 29 I would have grown out of this faze
of my life. But nooooo, not me. The texture of my skin is at the point where
Helen Keller would be excited because she would have a new novel to read.
Let's take a moment to explore the different forms of remedies I've tried:
*OCP (Obsessive Compulsive Picking or Popping); This is the one form I have
always used and continue to use daily. Unfortunately it doesn't really work
and once resulted in my 7th grade crush telling me I had ketchup on my
chin.
*Clearasil Bar Soap; I don't know if it got rid of the zits but it gave me a
nice rosy rash all over my cheeks which could have easily landed me a
position as a sideshow freak or a clown.
*Skin colored zit concealor; The only thing this resulted in was looking
like I had smeared paste all over and dipped my face in Cornflakes cereal.
*Acne Free (Generic Po-Active); Much like the Clearasil Bar Soap it gave me
a similar reaction, like a very painful chemical peal. On the bright side,
the whole time I was scratching my face off with my fingernails I didn't see
a single zit. Unfortunately looking like a burn victim from a tanning salon
is not how I want to spend the rest of my days.

I wish It was as easy as starting a band and singing about zits...or being
Canadian for that matter. But, it's not. Once again I hold my job
responsible, it's the best form of blame I can come up with. I demand
workers compensation! Or a cookie! Or my very own sweatshop filled with
little kids to make me a Sari complete with a full vale covering the
mountain range forming on my face which will become the newest natural
discovery since Jack Black brought King Kong to New York City.



7 Comments:

At 4/7/06, 6:10 PM, Blogger deetour said...

My life literally changed thanks to glycolic acid cleansers and lotions. I use Jan Marini, but it's pretty expensive stuff. I would recommend you see a dermatologist or aesthetician. I can send you the # of my girl. She works in my building. She charges a bunch, but the proof is my clear skin.

 
At 4/7/06, 11:16 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

Ahhh good ole Glycolic acid...I do have that as a scrub but it doesn't seem to do anything for my zitious maximous, but it does give me soft and supple cheaks!
I'm too cheap for a dermatologist type person...I'd rather learn the hard way for some reason.

 
At 4/9/06, 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i prob sound like a nut, but. it worked for me.

years afraid to hydrate.

- i drink a gallon of water a day
- use aveno facial mosturizer

- sleep on a fresh pillow case every night that is washed in Dreft.

plus regular face wash use

 
At 4/9/06, 8:28 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

ooh what's Deft? a type of detergent? I'm going to try a new one because I know my pillow is the main cause since I pretty much sleep on one side of my face and that's the side that's covered. I was thinking of spraying astringent on my pillow nightly to see if that helps. Someone needs to invent medicated detergent or something. seriously

 
At 4/9/06, 9:50 PM, Blogger Joefish said...

"Your acne's so bad, tears roll down the back of your head."

That Degrassi thing is a real show? I saw some direct-to-video thing about Degrassi with Jay and Silent Bob. Never having seen either of them, I thought it was something Kevin Smith made up.

 
At 4/23/06, 11:35 AM, Blogger kate said...

omg, i havent even gotten one zit or beauty mark in my life. its probly cuz im a billionare.

 
At 4/23/06, 12:43 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

wow you must be one licky Billionare because even Jessica Simpson gets zits...I know...I've seen the adds.

 

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