stoopid is

Chronicles of my constant mishaps and retarded nature.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Yes I'm evil

Most of us have seen that birth control commercial circulating the internet…well…I swear I just saw that kid at the grocery store.

I’m standing in line, minding my own business as usual when the child belonging to the woman in front of me runs up to the quick grab shelves and goes right for the disposable 35mm cameras

Spawn of Satan; “Mommy! Mommy! I want a camera!”

Satan; “No honey you have one at home.”

The kid starts in with the quivering lip and all the prelude stuff to what’s going to be very loud whaling when he notices the candy shelves. Immediately his devilish evil child grin is back.

Spawn of Satan; “Mommy! Mommy! I want bubblegum!” as he grabs the gum determined it’s already his.

Satan; “No honey you don’t need any gum.”

Spawn of Satan; “But IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII don’t have any at home!!!!!” insert beginning of the quivering lip again and all that is about to proceed.

Satan; “No honey you don’t need any gum.” Like a broken record

Cashier Lady; “How about a lollipop!” hoping to sooth what is about to pierce her ears she hands the mom a left over Halloween lollipop complete with a frosting ghost on the front.

Satan; “I don’t want a lollipop! I want my guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!” with the thought proccess that he already has the lolli now maybe he can have both the tears have set in and screaming is a millisecond away as he slams the gum back onto the shelf and reluctantly steps toward the lollipop.

Spawn of Satan; “I don’t waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant a lollipop!” Mid sentence his water eyes miraculously disappear, his lip quits quivering again and all of a sudden the lollipop is the greatest thing ever. He is now the most excited spawn of Satan I have ever seen, he is starting to bounce out of his shoes as he exclaims, “Mommy! Mommy! This is the biggest lollipop in the whole world!”

Satan doesn’t seem to be listening, she's too busy paying for the groceries, so the spawn gets happier with the thought of his new item and announces it again even more excited and bouncy this time with eyes lit up like giant christmas lights.

Spawn of Satan; “Mommy! Mommy! This is the biggest lollipop in the whole WOR….!”

WHAM! The Lollipop smashes into the ground and I can’t help but think;

“Well…now you have the world’s largest broken lollipop!” at this point it was impossible to not laugh out loud and both the cashier and Satan turn and look at me to see what is so funny and I shrug, “Cute kid.”


At 11/19/06, 6:45 AM, Blogger Chris said...

Parenting tip: Do you know how to determine if the quivering lip and tears are real?

Smack the kid good....then you know they are for real:)

My Blog

At 11/21/06, 2:22 PM, Blogger Stoopidgirl said...

You Rock Chris...always making me laugh. I wish i had more time to read your blog these days...sigh


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