I'm going crazy

Today, at the grocery store the cashier in a desperate attempt to pick me up referred to me as “Scenery”. I know it was meant as a compliment but I can’t say its good use of words. The old man in line behind me agreed that he was enjoying the “scenery” as well….I’m a hard girl to make blush and had I not been so tired and in serious need of a shower I probably would have had some witty retort like “You best shoosh, you’re making my Cracklen Oat bran jealous.” And then proceed to stroke the top of my cereal box and whisper to it “Its ok branny, you’re scenery too.” As I walked off with them staring at me like I was insane. I like it when people think I’m insane, it gives me a good excuse for my actions half the time. Whenever someone says something to me about “remember that time when you (insert something stupid I did)?” my response is always “Nooooooo I don’t remember that? I must have been drunk!” Before I knew it half the people on this planet now think I’m an alcoholic when truth is I’m rarely drunk and when I am drunk I’m usually conscious of my actions…not necessarily in control *cough* those photos floating around of me vomiting in a toilet. Not to mention my conversations are usually about how badly I’m craving Hillshire Farm’s Cheddar Wursts, who knew heaven could be found in prepackage pig lips and assholes?

Look I’m a crazy woman! Craaaaazy I tell you! C-R-A-Z-Y! Grrrrrrr I’m a ferocious beast!